I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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