My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
