dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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