You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
