Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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