no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
