If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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