I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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