I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
