If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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