There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
