would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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