I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
