i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
