so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
