I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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