i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
