oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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