if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
