I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
