i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
