Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
