Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
