enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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