no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
