if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
