no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
