so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
