Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
