I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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