Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Randomize
