Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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