He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
