You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
