so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
