Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
