Whod you bang
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
