You're completely useless in the revolution.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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