The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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