I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize