I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
