I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
