Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
