Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
