I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
