It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
