I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
