If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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