It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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