His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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