we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
